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";s:4:"text";s:24191:"How many are left? The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train." Witness: "No way?!" Quick, try the backdoor!" If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table. "Yeah, why? Written by my 4 year old daughter and I think it is hilarious. A boy hears a knocking at the door and opens it. Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. '", Jew: "Can I help you?" One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, âMake sure to tell her how sorry you are.â, He whispered back, âWhy? I think you misunderstood me. I am originally from Indiana. The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!' âJesus is watching you.â Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. How many are left? I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. Many of the door door to door salesman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok. Salesman: âCan I see your dad?â Johnny: âNo, heâs in the shower.â Salesman: âWhat about your mother? She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly. And a door. A boy. And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares "May I help you ma'am?" So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied. Teacher: let me guess the lion? She asks Do you want to have sex before she gets back? Funny Window Jokes and Tons of One Liners at Funny Jokester. He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana â mafia. Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. At school, Little Johnnyâs classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so itâs very easy to blackmail them by saying, âI know the whole truth.â Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. I got up and went straight to my car. 82.99 % / 1533 votes. ", The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am." Featuring NEW Window Jokes with Hidden Answers! Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him: 83.02 % / 11323 votes. Everytime I shouted at him, he made a bolt for the door. The light came on when I opened the door, and all the food was still cold. Student: No!The giraffe because Heâs in a fridge. One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached. Johnnyâs mother greets him at home, and he tells her, âI know the whole truth.â His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, âJust donât tell your father.â Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, âI know the whole truth.â The father promptly hands him $40 and says, âPlease donât say a word to your mother.â Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. "Yeah, but break the news slowly. He returns her gaze. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack. Have a look at these witty one liners. She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick. He walks through the predestination door and an angel asks him why he was here. Answer: âWhat Are You Squeaking About? She said "it's my husband!. Wanna hear a dirtier joke? ð¤ I am over 18 Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. These little workplace humor tidbits were originally posted by Lane Olinghouse. How do you know?" Best. One day I noticed she forgot to lock the door and I thought, "Great, this is my chance!" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee. imsogay.com. He looks up and down, left and right, and sees a snail. You can see better from over there." âWhat are you doing?â, the boys asks his mother. So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! He turned to his wife: Hey, there are six feet in this bed. 500 bricks are on a plane. The blonde mother laughs. And a staircase. a year ago. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean door doorway dad jokes. "Wonderful? I won't run away, I have no legs." When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived, As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." ", Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums, The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, âJesus is watching you.â The robber realized it was the parrot talking! I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door. What could it hurt." A blind man walks into a bar. The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin' A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. ... Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? -Bubbles was the woman next door. He opens it and sees the same snail. A big list of open door jokes! The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says âwhat just happenedâ the bartender replies âthe genie is half deaf, do you really think Iâd ask for a 12 inch pianist?â, Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. "Anything." What Did the Window Say to The Door? They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. 0. "Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out. Student: no! Animals Cats Dogs Murphyâs Laws Doors In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull. 1 falls off. You have two parts of the brain, âleftâ and ârightâ â in the left side, thereâs nothing right and in the ⦠Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. He opens the door and sees a snail at the door step. ", So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent". You can explore door window reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. He finds it and says âI wish for a million bucks.â Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. 42 Funny One Liner Jokes. A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. study?". The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the hell are you supposed to be great in bed then? "You left your wheelchair at the pub.". ', And asks 'where's ya bin mate' Newest. Soon they hear a knock at the door. Didn't I?". She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. When all of a sudden we heard a car door slam out front. He replies with fu⦠off. âWhat type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?â The parrot speaks yet again, âThe same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.â, A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. The foreman does this and says "Ready!" Salesman: âCan I see your dad?â Johnny: âNo, heâs in the shower.â Salesman: âWhat about your mother? the woman exclaims. 63 jokes about doors. One liner tags: life, money. Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy. I think You're mistaken my lady. ", He sees two doors. The blind carpenter bends over and takes a deep sniff moving his head from one side to the other and says, "This is a tough one, please turn it over so I can smell the other side." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. The snail says: âWhat the hell was that all about? Ah, he said, That's my altar ego. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? This joke may contain profanity. "Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis.". The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it. "Absolutely anything." as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door. Quick, use the back door! All types of funny jokes, jokes for kids, jokes for adults, knock Knock jokes, doctor jokes, religion jokes, marriage jokes, cheating jokes, animal jokes, puns, one liners, dirty jokes, silly jokes, police jokes, prison jokes and many more. Why did he have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that? -The man took a bath with bubbles. -A man fell in a mud puddle. Q. Door Jokes. He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?". Which one? A boy who canât reach the doorbell knocking at your door. Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door. "That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car." The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. We hope you will find these door doorknob puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. Funny Snail jokes and one liners to laugh at. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Whoâs there? Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. What's On 30 best lockdown jokes 2021: funny quips and one-liners to keep you smiling through the Covid lockdown Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? Toggle Navigation Menu ... As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door. Girl. The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. Can I see her?â Johnny: âNope. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says âman, howâd you get such a short piano player.â The bartender says in responseâ thereâs a genie in the back of the bar.â The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. "Sure hold on a second." They ask, "Who is it?" Add joke. The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: "One, two, three, four. I'm not sure what scared him more. Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. vinman. One liner ⦠âDo you believe in love at first sight or should I pass by you again?â If you want her to roll her eyes ⦠82.72 % / 2730 votes. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Advertisement. Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason. In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that. He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! The carpenter takes another deep sniff moving his head from side to side. Because he was caught with seaweed. âIâm jumping on daddy to make him thinâ,said the mother. Third and most important. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. 1. The boy greets him by saying, âI know the whole truth.â The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, âThen come give your Daddy a great big hug!â. If you donât have a good partner, youâd better have a good hand. Paddy frowns. " Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds? So I ran up the stairs and grabbed the phone. Russel, I knocked on Stephen Hawkins door but nobody answeredâ¦, All I got was âerror 404 page not foundâ, a boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "How did you do that?" Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the credit it deserve. Student: no! Dangerfield expired on October 6, 2004, and his death created a void. The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand. on March 25, 2013. Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me. Following is our collection of funniest Door jokes. anything." They let him in. So, he asks another question. I know itâs a funny place to have a door. A company installed a new security system. Feel free to add your own in the comments section or share over the table at Thanksgiving (or any family dinner, for that matter). A few years later thereâs a knock on the door. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? o O o Having sex is like playing bridge. Always borrow money from a pessimist. Donât bother", said the boy," when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again". 'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere! She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Half hour later the pizza arrived, and I went back down to the basement. 'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere! "Are you Adam's widow?" "Well, tell him I can't see him right now." Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth? He replies, "I had no choice". I jump on him so all the air would come out. ", The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad Jew: "Yahweh. by Stephen. Its angel asks him why he was here. My husband is home! Funny One-Liner Jokes. 1. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. How can the flu be wonderful?" Didn't you read the third requirement?" She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I didnât kill him.â. He should be great in bed. "Anything??" Legs. 1. Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse. ... when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat." Answer is Hidden Below! Teacher:No you canât fit an elephant in a fridge!! Oh god, she said, it's my husband. The little boy said, Mom what are you doing? "Anything?" We suggest to use only working door door to door salesman piadas for adults and blagues for friends. "You were really drunk last night weren't you?" Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! His voice softens. Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge? "This is why people think we're stupid. "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible." Jew: "Is that what you call him? 100 Work and Business Jokes, Quips and One-liners I always stress that being funny, having a great sense of humor, and adding more humor into a workplace has very little to do with telling jokes. A woman comes into a hardware store. said the police. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. One falls off. Read A Door Joke from the story Jokes & One-Liners by RhyanSparksIsSFHD (I Am Rhyan Sparks) with 390 reads. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box⦠Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-Masturbation is like procrastination, itâs all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself! stupid, funny, sfhdjokes. Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door. Sheâs in the shower, too.â Salesman: âDo you think theyâll be out soon?â Johnny: âDoubt it. By ⦠Advertisement. Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door. "That's so clever!" Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!" A friend of mine was taking a ⦠The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking', She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter. It was such a nice jester! 6. Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly: âAnd to those of you who wrote Mr. Smithâs telephone number on the door of the girlâs toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4.â, A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar. I had to put my foot down. The man scoffed. "Blind man!" So she gets a divorce. He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor.". One Liners are crazy, comical and yet funny. Funny Jokester has the funniest New Jokes and One Liner Jokes! !â Irish Jokes Knock Knock Lawyers Lightbulb Jokes Lyrics Male Bashing Marriage Medical Jokes Microsoft Military Jokes Miscellaneous Miscellaneous Ethnic Jokes Morals Music Naughty Johnny Jokes Old Age One Liners Paedophile Jokes Parents Police Polish Great Fishing Spot How Long Is The Pole? A boy who? Matt, What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? "Get out of bed and try again. She got hit in the head by a flying brick. The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook.". How? So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work, What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? All the animals are there, except one. Famous One Liner Jokes. Puns And One Liners. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. 3 years ago. Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. 25 of the best jokes and one liners by Scottish comedians. Wanna hear a clean joke? Trooper: "State Police identify yourself." FRIDAY FUNNY: Workplace One Liners. The snail asks him, âWhat the heck was that?â Breasts donât have eyes. There are some door latch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Door jokes. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? However, these collection of jokes are not just funny but are the funniest set of jokes you can ever come across. Funny One-Liners. '. Dejected, he goes into the other door. 3. He ended up spotless. â I gave him a glass of water. ", Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome." He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. The angel replies, "You can't be here, you chose this." 3. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door. 82.68 % / 2825 votes. i hate it when ever i bring a girl over my parents donât care but when i bring one of my friends thats a boy there like KeEp ThE DoOr OpEn and im gay. My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you. Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall. He wonât expect it back. I had her bent over her kitchen table, giving it to her good. Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. One Liners are tiny bits of cracking jokes that are hilarious; just the perfect medicine for the otherwise monotonous days. Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Humorous One Liner Why was the fish expelled from school? She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out. ", off he goes. "I would do anything to pass this exam." And a table. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. 2. I think I'm the guy." He shouldn't leave me. I said, 'fuck off dave, I've got work in the morning'. ...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. The entire congregation scatters, save for the Pastor and an elderly farmer sitting in one corner chewing on a piece of straw. There should only be four. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door. ...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?" Magically it opens. ", A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. Doctor one liners. She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?" ... Police carry out door-to-door enquiries after man hospitalised following 'serious' attack. Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again. So enjoy this collection of 80 funny one liners! She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?" ", Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?" Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. You're so drunk you miscounted, said the wife. Now all the doors are alarmed. Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!". 13 of them, in fact! "I'm better, thanks. 30 years later, he hears a knocking at the door. He throws the snail into the yard about fifty feet. One is labeled free will, and the other is predestination. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. The quicker the humor the more sharp it may be and the quicker at making us laugh! Going to the parrot, he asks it, âAre you the one whoâs been talking to me?â The parrot responds, âYes.â The thief couldnât believe it. He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up! Place cursor over answer to see! What happened to the cheetah who showered twice a day? His voice turns to a whisper. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!' Some clever one liners which are sure to tickle the fancies of those who enjoy word play, and that too with a comical twist. Whats happened Paddy?" I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf! 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